Just Friends

And now a word about friendship…

In the movie When Harry Met Sally, they attempt to answer the question, “Can men and women just be friends?”   Basically the answer is no.  Time and time again, one teeny little three letter word gets in between the two parties in question: sex (you knew I was going to go there).  Even if nothing ever happens, between two heterosexual individuals, that tension is always there.  I spent a long time believing that this movie, and the very idea that men and women couldn’t be friends was a load of baloney: let me explain.

I had two wonderful male friends in high school: we did everything together and it was never awkward in the least.  Our bond was strong and we enjoyed each other’s company.  I always felt at ease around them and never thought about whether or not there was anything sexual about our relationship.  (They have since come out of the closet.)  Based on this, I came to the conclusion that of course men and women could be friends.  How silly people were to think otherwise!

After graduating from high school, I started working at a department store in the local mall.  My boyfriend at the time worked on the top floor, and I worked downstairs.  His best friend also ended up working in the same department with me.  We joked around and had fun together.  The three of us often ate in the food court on our lunch breaks.  This friend and I used to carpool to work, and then also to community college.  We spent a considerable amount of time a-l-o-n-e together, and nothing ever happened.  So I continued to believe this fairy tale in my head that of course men and women could be friends.

Now when you are young, it is typical for boyfriends/lovers to come and go, and this one went off to the Navy (at least that is the story he told me).  This left his best friend and me to fend for ourselves – and we had no trouble keeping things platonic, at least at first.  Then one evening, while over at his house, we watched a movie, and then went up to his room to listen to the stereo.  (You know where this is going, right?  Well I didn’t.)  We were laying there on his bed talking, and it suddenly occurred to me that I had feelings for him.  I decided to take a chance, and I made my move.  Let’s just say that he didn’t turn down my offer… 

From that fateful moment on, our friendship has never been the same.  We can be friends for a little while, but then that three letter word starts creeping in on us again.  It gets too difficult not to fall into that trap of flirtation and seduction.  This has created a giant rift in our ability to stay friends; we have gone years at times without speaking.  I miss the friends we used to be, but I cannot get that back 100% no matter how much I try.  I don’t want to lose my friend, because I think that is the best part of who we were together.  There are things I want to share with him – but the hurt I feel when he withdraws into his protective shell is, at times (like right now), greater than I can bear.

I did not share that part of myself with him lightly; I never have.  I love him unequivocally and there is a place in my heart that is his alone.  I wanted to believe that we could beat the odds; I’m not sure it’s possible any longer.  Even knowing what I know now, I would not trade one moment we’ve shared – good, bad, or ugly.  Then I would have missed the dance.       

 

Theme Song #3:  The Dance by Garth Brooks (sorry -- no link available to anything official)

 

Missing you,

Selina