For the record, I am not complaining; my feet get me where I
need to go, and I am grateful for that. But
lately I have been feeling like the stepsister trying to squeeze her foot into
that glass slipper – and upon closer inspection, finding that it’s really an old,
smelly tennis shoe. Definitely not my
first choice and most certainly not appropriate footwear for my sequined gown
for dancing with the princes at the ball.
Let’s talk about these so-called
princes I have encountered online recently: they certainly aren’t wearing any
crowns in my book.
1) Budget Bishop: This guy, who owned his own thriving (his word,
not mine) online business, had a budget of $40 for a date. He came right out and told me that while we
were at dinner. I was a little more than
shocked and I probably didn’t hide it too well.
Really? Dinner for two at
McDonalds is practically $20. Let’s just
say that I felt really badly for the waiter at the restaurant we went to since
our dinner was probably already his whole budget for the evening. (And no, we did not go anywhere else – that might
have required him opening up his wallet again.)
Now
please don’t get me wrong; I am not a gold digger and I certainly don’t expect
a guy to spend $100 on a date. What I do
have a problem with is someone bragging about the $ale$ they are making in
their business in one breath and then stiffing a server who provided excellent service
in the next. But I will say that being a
tight-fisted cheapskate isn’t going to get you many second dates either. Next please!
2) Embalmed Earl: This guy could not stop talking about death
the whole evening. To be fair, he worked
as a funeral director, and that cannot help but affect the way you view the
world to a certain degree. I tried to make allowances for that fact. Even though I know other people in the
funeral business that have no problem carrying on a conversation that does not involve
cremation or the messiness of preparing a body after organ donation (not a
suitable dinner topic in my humble estimation).
Now I
will say that our evening was memorable for at least one reason: about halfway
through dinner, the lights went out in the entire complex and the restaurant
did not have adequate emergency lighting.
So we ate by cell phone light for about 5 minutes before the power came
back on. But throughout the evening, he
kept saying that I would leave him like everyone else had and that ended up
being a self-fulfilling prophecy as I had no desire to go out on a second date.
3) Paroled Pharaoh: Yes, I
went out with a convicted felon. Of
course I didn’t know this until we were out on our second date. He explained that he had made some mistakes
in his past, and he was not going to go down that road again, come hell or high
water. I respected the fact that he was
working to turn his life around. We went
out a few times, but ultimately our ideals didn’t mesh as well as I might have hoped. I do wish him well as he works his way
towards his new goals in life.
4) Deceptive/Disappearing Duke: I
saved the best (eh-hem) for last. This guy looked really good on paper and we
had a lot of common interests according to the “smart match” on the dating
website. When we went out, I had fun and
enjoyed his company. He listened
attentively, played the part of the gentleman, opened doors, and said some very
complimentary things to me.
But he
wasn’t the most reliable person I’ve gone out with – by a long shot. I had at least three occasions where I was
all dressed up and at a specified location when he texted me to cancel – and not
with terribly great excuses either. He
also became verbally degrading when texting me and I found myself apologizing
for things that I would never have apologized for under normal circumstances.
I’m
honestly not sure why I put up with his shenanigans and blatant disregard for
my time or my feelings. He ended things
with me because I wouldn’t give him a definitive answer about an upcoming date
that he had proposed. This from the
person whose typical response was “can I get back to you on that?” Guess he didn’t like the tables to be turned
on him. Can’t say I’m sorry to see him
go. (I hope this example was specific
enough for you Sir Duke)
So as I try on a myriad of
ill-fitting footwear in hopes that I will find one that will not pinch my toes
or cause my heel to blister, I have learned a few lessons along the way about
the kind of prince I don’t want to offer me a sparkly stiletto:
a) No more
tightwads
b) No
excessive talk about death
c) No more
smokers -- no matter what your chosen plant to puff
d) If you
cancel on me after I got dressed or left the house (and paid a babysitter), we
are definitely not going out again. I
don’t care what kind of cockamamie excuse you concoct.
My list will probably get
longer as I continue to swim in the dating pool. If and when I find the shoe that fits, I may
just find out that a comfortable pair of Crocs or some overgrown bunny slippers
will suit me just fine. Only time will
tell… And in honor of all of us out there still searching for the perfect fit, here is a realist’s view of that proverbial fairy tale.
Theme Song #32: Hey Cinderella by Suzy Boggus
http://youtu.be/H78hVZ7Jcjo
I’m going barefoot for now,
Selina
No comments:
Post a Comment