All Things Being Equal

I recently finished reading a great book, Mercy by Jodi Picoult.  In it, one of the main focuses is on the intricate interactions between partners in romantic relationships.  One of the main characters maintains that there are very few 50/50 relationships when it comes to romance and love.  The balance is always off; one person gives more.  The hitch is that this balance can shift at any time, and it has the potential to throw off the dynamics of the established trend in the relationship.   And throughout the course of the book, this theory is tested for a number of the characters under varying circumstances.  (It’s a great read; I highly recommend it!)

In examining my own relationships, I find merit in this assessment.  And I have discovered, over and over, that I am usually the person giving the 60, 70, or 80 percent in the relationship.  I never do this intentionally, but it happens every single time.  I have a need to nurture others and make sure their needs are met.  Therefore, I often lose sight of what is important to me, or what my needs are for a healthy relationship.

I recently had someone say to me, “Tell me what you want.”  And I didn’t know how to respond to that because for the most part, no one ever asks me.  So I thought about it for a little while, and this is what I came up with:

1)      I want a genuine connection with someone.  I want to be able to share things with you and build a relationship with a strong emotional and physical connection between us.

2)     I want to feel appreciated.  That what I do for you matters.  That it doesn’t go unnoticed.  And that you return the favor on occasion.

3)     I want someone who commits to me as their sole/soul focus.  I am not looking for Prince Charming here; I am looking for someone who follows thru with their yes meaning yes, and not just yes – until something/someone better comes along.

4)     I want security – a knowledge that you are in this for the long haul.  That you are not going to raise the white flag and walk away at every little argument.

5)     I want you to love my kids.  Period.

 
Now maybe that is a tall order, but it’s what I want.  All I can tell you is that whoever can rise to this challenge will end up being a very happy man indeed.  I am holding out hope that he is out there somewhere.  And that our relationship will be as close to 50/50 as we can get (cause I give as good as I get).

And while this may be sort of cheesy (I am a child of the 80s), I could not leave you without a song from one of my favorite movies that reflects the idea that he just may ride in on his steel horse any second.  And for the record, a tractor would suit me just fine.

Theme Song #31: Holding Out for a Hero by Bonnie Tyler
http://youtu.be/Fn7d_a0pmio

Don’t let me down now Ren,

Selina