Every relationship -- family, friendship or romantic -- has a beginning and an end. Whether that is because of time, distance, death, or even through mutual agreement (does that ever happen?), it is bound to occur sooner or later. Sometimes this is easy to accept, but overall, I think that the loss or unexpected change of status in any relationship can be difficult to process.
So right now I am back to the age-old question, "Can a man and a woman (who are both heterosexual) ever truly be 'just friends'?" I recently came across Mike Falzone on YouTube, and I really liked his take on the issue. Check it out at: http://youtu.be/rmrmZ6wNvZc His basic premise is that you need to "get over yourself" in order for that concept to work. He covers the common stumbling blocks including marital status, mutual or one-sided attraction, and the ability to express yourself truthfully. If you hide even 1% of how you feel, you can watch the other 99% burn to the ground. My favorite part was when he mentioned that being able to talk things out is a lot easier than resealing yogurt. Have you ever even attempted that feat? Damn near impossible, but I encourage you to give it your best shot next time you crack open a Yoplait.
As Mike stated in his video-blog, it is important to look at both sides of the argument, and I enjoyed hearing a guy's take on the issue. I think that in order for this to truly work, there need to be five simple rules. I would venture to say that the numerical order is only significant if you both think that a hierarchy needs to be established. But why make it more complicated than it already is? Here they are:
1) Respect the other person's relationship. Chances are pretty good that at least somewhere along the line one or both of you will be in a relationship(s) with other people, and possibly even married to someone else. Your ability to be happy for that person and said relationship(s) will be hampered if you can't follow this rule.
2) Don't tease the animals (a.k.a. hormones). Now this should go without saying, but some people have great difficulties keeping their sexual innuendos to themselves (I don't know anybody like this, do you?). It is not fair to make even the slightest veiled comment that would suggest that you are remotely looking at this friend in any kind of sexual way. It can -- and will -- only lead to trouble for both of you. So save it for the next hottie you are trying to pick up at the party!
3) Tell the truth. Another rule that should go without saying, but for some individuals it's best to spell everything out from the get-go. A truth that is told now, even though it may hurt, is far, far better than a lie that comes out later. Although I also maintain that there is a distinct difference between lying and just not telling. Just make sure that you know when either one of these may get you into hot water. And spill your guts accordingly as needed.
4) Keep your distance. I call this the Dirty Dancing rule. As Johnny Castle so eloquently put it, "This is my dancing space. That is your dancing space." Invading someone else's personal space is grounds for misinterpretation of intentions. Just don't sit on the other person's lap or snuggle in bed with them and you should be fine with this one. Stay in your own dancing space (and maybe don't watch Dirty Dancing together either).
5) When in doubt, refer back to Rules #1 - 4. 'Nuff said.
In conclusion, I would like to propose that it may be in the realm of possibility for a man and a woman to be 'just friends.' However, the carnage and destruction left in the wake of many, many attempts by well-intentioned individuals (myself included) reveals that this is not a feat for the faint of heart or weak-willed. Many have tried; few have succeeded. And just in case you have the secret to success with this, you need to share it with the rest of us cause it is freakin' harder than ___________ (fill in your own impossible feat here).
So in honor or the seemingly impossibility of this phenomenon, here is a song about a guy who really doesn't want to be friends. Cause like the resealable yogurt (???), I challenge you to find a song about a guy who just wants to be friends with the girl (really now).
Theme Song #18: I'm Not Strong Enough to Say No by Blackhawk
http://youtu.be/-A0rP3ZQIlc
Inner strength is only half the battle,
Selina
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