I would be remiss in addressing the changes of 2012 if I did not take a moment to reflect on some of the things that did not go so well, particularly in reference to friendships/relationships. For a long time, I have been the "fixer" -- the one who did whatever it took to make things right and work it out. Looking back over the years, I've operated in that fashion repeatedly. Even if I had a valid reason for being upset at a friend/significant other and expressed my frustration with the situation at hand, I eventually came back and apologized. Despite any justification I had at the time, my desire for peace and harmony always won out over my need to be treated well.
This year I reached a turning point. I don't know how it happened, or when I reached this epiphany, but in the grand scheme of things it really isn't relevant. The fact is that I am not going to continue down this path. If I am angry, I have the right to be angry. Now I realize that I have a stubborn streak as long and wide as the Mississippi, but I still recognize when "something is rotten in the state of Missouri (private joke)."
I recently saw a quote that addresses this very issue:
God often removes a person from your life for your protection. Think about that before you go running after them.
Three specific instances come to mind and here they are, in no particular order:
I have been going through an emotional roller coaster this year, and I had aired some of my angst and frustration on Facebook here and there (I know I am the only one, right?). I had someone, whom I considered a pretty good friend, take me to task in an email soliloquy in an attempt to get me to censor my comments. I was none too pleased with her methodology or her suggestions, and I responded with an emotional outburst and diatribe to that fact. What kind of friend sends you an email like that? Not much of one in my estimation; I have not spoken to her since, and I really don't miss her gossipping about me behind my back anymore. Good riddance!
Then there was the "old friend" that should have stayed that way. I reached out to someone on Facebook that I had been friends with "in another time and place." I thought initially that we were rekindling our friendship, but it quickly turned into something ugly. Without getting into specifics, I of course fell into my pattern of getting justifiably angry and then attempting to fix what was broken. But the truth is that it probably always was broken; it's taken me a long time to realize this. Despite the fact that it took me this long to buy a clue, I am finally walking away --- and this time, I will not be crossing the Mississippi with my flying monkeys in order to fix it.
Lastly, I met a new friend this year, and at the very beginning, I knew I connected with this person intimately. We liked a lot of the same things, and generally I really thought we had a lot in common. Now I thought I was being honest, and I told this friend a lot of very personal things, and I felt that we understood each other. I had not been this "in sync" with someone in a very long time and I relished every minute we got to spend together.
But then I went away for a weekend, and when I came back, it was as if someone had flipped a switch. Now everything I did was suspect and a reason to make accusations and create an argument. However, the more this happened, the more truth came out on the other end, and I realized that neither one of us had ever been completely honest with each other, or even ourselves respectively. At this point, we could no longer trust each other and with those proverbial bridges burned, there was nothing left to do but walk away. Perhaps someday we can rebuild that bridge together, but I will say that at this stage in my life, my olive branch only reaches so far. My friend will have to choose to grab it, and I'm pretty sure that won't happen any time soon, if at all.
With all of that being said, I don't want to leave the impression that I have turned into a cold, heartless witch -- although I am pretty wicked with the right broom in my hand -- metaphorically speaking. There is still a considerable amount of time and effort that I will put into maintaining peace and harmony in my relationships. But that now comes with the caveat that there is a tangible reciprocal effort coming from the other side of the fence as well. And if not, I will now be able to walk away, but I try to leave the door open a crack if someone changes their mind (or heart).
So to commemorate my new found ability to "hit the road Jack" and look back without (many) regrets, here's a little ditty about lovin' and leavin':
Theme Song #17: Fitz and the Tantrums - We Don't Gotta Work It Out
http://youtu.be/-4Yz_bUTlbo
I'm walking out the door,
Selina
No comments:
Post a Comment