It’s late, but I wanted to get these thoughts out on electronic paper before they leave my head completely. A lot has changed in my life over the past year (that’s putting it mildly) and I have had quite a bit of time to reflect on all that has transpired. One of the biggest changes has been in the status of my relationships, both with family and friends. The rhyme and reason behind each is different in its own way, but there are commonalities that can be drawn upon as well.
At this very moment, I am stuck in a quandary. How
much do you let the past shape who you are today and into the future? How much do you let your accumulated life
experiences up to this point dictate what you will consider as possibilities in
the future? And what do you do when what
you feel doesn’t coincide with the circumstances at hand?
I found myself with a tune stuck in my head that reflects
this thought balloon. In the opera/musical
Aida,
Radames and Aida must decide if their love is more important than carrying out their
respective duties as royalty. Aida
attempts to convince Radames that duty should be upheld and she tries to tell
him goodbye. Radames is not convinced by
Aida’s plea, and their love story ends tragically because of their foolishness.
Theme Song #23: Written in the Stars from the
musical Aida
http://youtu.be/giQtOu0mlZc
I know I have mentioned this before, but I have moved quite a few times in my life. At times I find it difficult to distinguish if I am the Mary Poppins figure for others, or if the roles are reversed. It makes it challenging to decide whom to let go without a fight, and who to hold onto for dear life itself. Sometimes with the passage of time and physical distance the answer reveals itself. But this is not always the best method for determination.
Our wonderful world of technology has introduced us to texting,
Skype and Face Time. You are practically
a Neanderthal if you do not employ at least one or more of these methods of
communication. I am getting used to
Skype, and if you don’t mind seeing me in my ratty pajamas and no eye makeup (yikes!)
then I am happy to talk to you that way.
I am also frequently seen using my opposable thumbs to type out a
message to someone on my phone. (“Mommy,
who are you texting now?”) I don’t mind
texting, but it does have its own limitations and is very one-dimensional. It is fine for finding a babysitter,
arranging a play date, or checking in on someone, but is in no way, shape or
form an adequate substitute for an actual meaningful conversation.
So where am I going with all of this rambling? Once again, I find myself wondering about the
current status of a broken friendship and if I should say goodbye permanently to
someone or not. I have said before that
I am no longer going to be the person that attempts to fix things, and I am
sticking to my guns on that count. But
is it possible to leave the door open a crack without feeling stuck? Without feeling like I am compromising my own
resolve? Therein lies the algebra
problem: too many variables and not enough information to solve the
equation. I don’t want to look back
later and wonder about the “what ifs.”
The bottom line is that I need to stop spinning my wheels
about this. I have made way more
important decisions than this without a moment’s hesitation. But when it comes to matters of the heart, and
my desire to be loyal to my friends, my past does affect the way I feel about
leaving and being left behind. And then
I accidentally stumbled upon the solution on Facebook, which is typical of
me. I was reading a list of the “25
Things to Do Before You Turn 25” list. (Here
is the link to the full list: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/25-things-to-do-before-you-turn-25/) Number 17 spoke to me directly:
Make a habit of cleaning up and letting go. Just because it fit at one
point doesn’t mean you need to keep it forever — whether ‘it’ is your favorite
pair of pants or your ex.
Now that was the kick in the pants (pun intended) that I needed. Also proof that I tend to overthink things on a regular basis. So much time has gone by that in the grand scheme of things it wouldn’t make sense to try and pick up the pieces at this point. Cleaning out my emotional closet will be good for me.
Today, right now, I am opening my umbrella and selecting my
path as the wind changes direction. I am
making peace with my choice and hope that the doubts don’t creep in too often. I can’t go back later even if I have regrets. I might as well keep moving forward.
So here’s a little song that speaks volumes about the proverbial
road not taken:
Theme Song #24: What Might Have Been by Little Texashttp://youtu.be/uEE3ycDH9_8
Sometimes it’s better not to know,
Selina
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