Today I came across a brilliant blog from Allison Tate. She talks about how many, too many moms opt out of photos with their families on a regular basis. Now the reasons for this reluctance vary, but most of them stem from the fact that a lot of women feel like they must be perfectly dressed, made up and coiffed in order to participate in a photo opportunity. The problem with this extremely flawed methodology is that photos are the main way we capture evidence of our existence. So moms who opt out of photos are essentially opting out of more than just a photo. (Her entire post can be read here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/allison-tate/mom-pictures-with-kids_b_1926073.html#slide=1601558.)
If you scoff at this idea, consider this: what if you died tomorrow? What photographic evidence would you leave for your children and family to remind them of your existence? I know that I do not have very many photos of my mother for this reason, either with me or with my children. In addition, as the resident photographer in our household, it is easy for me to slip into the background and continue this legacy of invisibility. But I refuse to be invisible any longer. There are several reasons for changing my behavior when it comes to being photographed:
1) I want my children to remember what I looked like. Am I a supermodel? Goodness no, and never will be. But my children don't care about that. They care about the fact that I love them and play with them and help them find the missing green bunny before bedtime. And I am not afraid to stick my tongue out at the camera and let them see my blue tongue from the snow cone either!
2) Photos become of paramount importance when someone leaves us too soon. My uncle was one who seemed to escape the camera most of the time, and when he died, my grandma clung to the handful of photos that she had as if they were more precious than gold -- and to her they were.
3) Memories fade over time. Photos help us remember. I lost a dear friend over a decade ago. She was probably the hardest person I knew to get to take her photo, and she never did that willingly. I only have 2 photos of her: one with her family, and the other with her two beautiful daughters at a wedding reception. Those are two of the only photos that her children have of their mother. She was such a beautiful human being with a personality that filled any room she walked into -- and yet now that so much time has passed, it seems as if she barely existed at all.
4) Don't judge yourself too harshly. As women, we are trained from a very young age to critique ourselves -- and not in a good way. If someone points a camera in your direction, just smile and go with the moment. You may see what you perceive as imperfections when you look at your own digital image, but others will not. My kids will see my kind eyes and genuine smile; they will not see my roots or unplucked eyebrows. At least I hope not...
With this inspiration in mind, I have been making a genuine effort to get in the picture. I handed the camera to strangers when we were on vacation recently just so I would have evidence that I was there. And my kids are old enough now that they ASK to take the camera off of my hands. So I let them -- and I laugh at the goofy angles and chopped off heads, but we'll get there. And if all else fails, grab that coupon for the $9.99 picture package at Wal-Mart and get everyone together for a silly shot. I will never forget the photo that my friend has on the wall of her entire family -- they are all wearing crazy hats and grinning like lunatics at the camera. Now that is a legacy worth leaving!
So the last time I took one of my children for their annual birthday portrait, I got in the picture too. I now have some fantastic prints of me and my fabulous sweethearts. Here's just one of them: it's my favorite and I purchased a large one to hang on the wall in our living room. I am proud of my kids, and I want them to know that I am proud to be seen with them!
As usual, I will leave you with a song. It's a mash-up, but one that works on so many levels. Peel away the doubts one photo at a time...and leave a legacy that your family and friends will cherish.
Theme Song #27: I Feel Pretty/Unpretty by Glee Cast.
Smile and say "cheese!"
Selina
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