Relationships are hard. Whether that's friendship or romance or family, there are going to be ups and downs along the way. Many times we endure the downs because we know there is bound to be an upswing just around the corner, and because we have invested something into the relationship, we take that chance. Sometimes over and over again to the point of sheer exhaustion and without any actual hope of getting a different end result. It's quite difficult to break that trend once it begins.
I am not a big Dr. Phil fan, but I read something he wrote today that spoke to me and got me thinking. I believe it's from the December issue of Oprah's magazine (in order to give my source proper credit):
Falling in love is one thing; maintaining a healthy long-term relationship is quite another. I understand why you might feel guilty about breaking up with your boyfriend because he has issues, but you have to value yourself enough to set a high "price of admission" into your life. Any man who truly loves a woman will want to rise to the level of being able to take care of her. If he's not capable of doing this, you're better off accepting it now.
My friend Natalie also put things pretty succinctly by saying, "begin with the end in mind." In other words, it's usually a case of WYSIWYG [What You See Is What You Get]. And trust me, the older you get, the more accurate this statement becomes. There is no way on God's green earth that you could get me to settle for my high school boyfriend at this stage of the game. The only catch is that while you figure out what you're not willing to accept, the list of possibilities grows shorter. But that's a good thing -- it means that hopefully you will end up with exactly who you're looking for in the end. And vice versa.
So if this speaks to you as it has to me, I encourage you to shake things up and stand up for yourself. Don't accept things the way they are. You can only change yourself -- you cannot change the other person. You have to believe in yourself before anyone else will. Find someone who is willing to put their best effort forth to have and hold your affections. If you start out the relationship making excuses, you will continue to do so. Set the bar high and don't settle!!! You're worth it!!!
These are things that I need to continue to remind myself as I embark on a new chapter in my life. So here's a little inspiration from one magnificent woman with a powerful voice to keep me on track. Take it away Whitney!
Theme Song #15: Queen of the Night -- Whitney Houston
http://youtu.be/rFcnGLFGbL8
You may need a trampoline to reach the bar,
Selina
Friday, November 30, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Mind Over Matter
When I was little, my parents often decided things for me without consulting me. That was part of their right as my parents, whether it was small -- like whether or not I got to buy my lunch at school, or large -- like whether or not I had access to the car when I finally got my driver's license. They always operated with my best interest at heart -- at least that's what I choose to believe for the most part.
Being a grown up now, I sometimes wish in a wistful way that my parents, or some other person, would make my decisions for me. But this is usually saved for times when I have a monumental task in front of me. Most of the time, I am perfectly content to shake my own Magic 8 Ball and see what pops up in the window.
With that in mind, it kind of ticks me off when someone else tries to make my decisions for me. Last time I checked, I still am a grown woman with a mind of my own. (They did let me vote yesterday so I'm guessing I look my age too.) It is not up to you to decide what I can or cannot handle. Don't think that you are protecting me or doing what is in my best interest by keeping information from me. You are only serving to worry me and cause great consternation.
If I say that I care about you, I mean it. That means that I want to know what is going on with you -- whatever that may be -- good, bad, or otherwise. You may rationalize your stubbornness, but there are no prizes for bravery here. In any case, I'm just going to call it like I see it and dub it pig-headedness, which is not nearly as flattering in the harsh light of day. Furthermore, the truth always comes out eventually, so you might as well own up to it now instead of waiting for me to find out about it later.
You may look at all of the hurdles in front of me and think that I certainly do not need one more lined up; totally not your call. I will find a way to leap over them or knock them over in the process; I always do. I am a strong, independent woman and what this usually boils down to is the idea of "mind over matter." If I don't mind, then it doesn't matter. But in this case, I do mind, which means whatever you're going through matters to me.
So here's a little number from Gwen and the boys of No Doubt. There is no doubt in my mind that it's my life.
Theme Song #14: It's My Life by No Doubt http://youtu.be/ubvV498pyIM
Flexing my mental muscles,
Selina
Being a grown up now, I sometimes wish in a wistful way that my parents, or some other person, would make my decisions for me. But this is usually saved for times when I have a monumental task in front of me. Most of the time, I am perfectly content to shake my own Magic 8 Ball and see what pops up in the window.
With that in mind, it kind of ticks me off when someone else tries to make my decisions for me. Last time I checked, I still am a grown woman with a mind of my own. (They did let me vote yesterday so I'm guessing I look my age too.) It is not up to you to decide what I can or cannot handle. Don't think that you are protecting me or doing what is in my best interest by keeping information from me. You are only serving to worry me and cause great consternation.
If I say that I care about you, I mean it. That means that I want to know what is going on with you -- whatever that may be -- good, bad, or otherwise. You may rationalize your stubbornness, but there are no prizes for bravery here. In any case, I'm just going to call it like I see it and dub it pig-headedness, which is not nearly as flattering in the harsh light of day. Furthermore, the truth always comes out eventually, so you might as well own up to it now instead of waiting for me to find out about it later.
You may look at all of the hurdles in front of me and think that I certainly do not need one more lined up; totally not your call. I will find a way to leap over them or knock them over in the process; I always do. I am a strong, independent woman and what this usually boils down to is the idea of "mind over matter." If I don't mind, then it doesn't matter. But in this case, I do mind, which means whatever you're going through matters to me.
So here's a little number from Gwen and the boys of No Doubt. There is no doubt in my mind that it's my life.
Theme Song #14: It's My Life by No Doubt http://youtu.be/ubvV498pyIM
Flexing my mental muscles,
Selina
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Wild and Crazy is Relative
This post is to set the record straight about my last post. Someone who read it became extremely concerned about my well being and basically suggested that I was in danger of committing some great attrocity in an attempt to keep company with the likes of Thelma and Louise. It's nice to know that people are concerned about my well being, and no, I really don't want me to end up sitting in jail next to Lindsey Lohan. Let me be clear: while I admire Thelma and Louise from afar with their bravado and devil-may-care attitudes, my level of wild and crazy does not include robbing a convenience store, having sex with a perfect stranger, or shooting anyone. Although I think everyone does have that capacity in them if pushed in the wrong direction.
I have had my fair share of adventures on "the wild side" thus far -- but adding a few more to my list does not seem like such a horrible way to spend my time. There are plenty of hijinx that will let me bend the rules all the way into a backbend and still maintain my "pristine" reputation (I'm laughing here and hope you are too!) So for the record, and whether you agree with me or not about the level of wild and crazy on a scale of one to ten, these are some of the tales I may -- or may not -- talk about later when I'm sitting in the rocking chair at the nursing home. Ready or not, here they are in no particular order:
1) I have been "not-so-skinny" dipping on occasion. Naked cannonballs are fantastic fun!!!
2) I once de-pants someone in a stock room and left him there to think about that. (He's lucky I didn't laugh.)
3) I have driven on a suspended license (that was a LONG time ago -- I have been on the straight and narrow for quite some time -- but we won't talk about my lead foot).
4) I have gone splashing in a public fountain in the middle of downtown Kansas City that clearly said that it was not allowed.
5) I violated the sacred ground on the quad at Grove City College by marching in a diagonal line right across the beautifl unspoiled grass. You are supposed to use the sidewalk under penalty of I really don't know what -- because I didn't get caught.
6) I shoplifted stickers and books and the occasional album at the local mall (and I'm not talking about last week).
7) I could drink 6 beers at the fraternity party and still walk home in a straight line.
8) I have driven a time (or two) when I probably shouldn't have.
9) I once -- with the help of a couple of friends -- changed the titles on the movie marquee to porn titles -- we finished just as the mall security was pulling up -- and ran like hell.
10) ______________ (more to come)
I plan on adding at least one thing to my list this weekend while I am off of my leash. I guess you'll have to see what I decide to add to my growing encyclopedia of "rather tame" exploits. But in my mind, I'd like to think I could run with the big dogs...
So as an homage to being young, and the things we should or shouldn't do, here's a little tune about being a little wild and crazy:
Theme Song #13: 19 and Crazy by Bomshel http://youtu.be/Hwzps79cRFs
Those crazy days that I have left have led me here to you,
Selina
I have had my fair share of adventures on "the wild side" thus far -- but adding a few more to my list does not seem like such a horrible way to spend my time. There are plenty of hijinx that will let me bend the rules all the way into a backbend and still maintain my "pristine" reputation (I'm laughing here and hope you are too!) So for the record, and whether you agree with me or not about the level of wild and crazy on a scale of one to ten, these are some of the tales I may -- or may not -- talk about later when I'm sitting in the rocking chair at the nursing home. Ready or not, here they are in no particular order:
1) I have been "not-so-skinny" dipping on occasion. Naked cannonballs are fantastic fun!!!
2) I once de-pants someone in a stock room and left him there to think about that. (He's lucky I didn't laugh.)
3) I have driven on a suspended license (that was a LONG time ago -- I have been on the straight and narrow for quite some time -- but we won't talk about my lead foot).
4) I have gone splashing in a public fountain in the middle of downtown Kansas City that clearly said that it was not allowed.
5) I violated the sacred ground on the quad at Grove City College by marching in a diagonal line right across the beautifl unspoiled grass. You are supposed to use the sidewalk under penalty of I really don't know what -- because I didn't get caught.
6) I shoplifted stickers and books and the occasional album at the local mall (and I'm not talking about last week).
7) I could drink 6 beers at the fraternity party and still walk home in a straight line.
8) I have driven a time (or two) when I probably shouldn't have.
9) I once -- with the help of a couple of friends -- changed the titles on the movie marquee to porn titles -- we finished just as the mall security was pulling up -- and ran like hell.
10) ______________ (more to come)
I plan on adding at least one thing to my list this weekend while I am off of my leash. I guess you'll have to see what I decide to add to my growing encyclopedia of "rather tame" exploits. But in my mind, I'd like to think I could run with the big dogs...
So as an homage to being young, and the things we should or shouldn't do, here's a little tune about being a little wild and crazy:
Theme Song #13: 19 and Crazy by Bomshel http://youtu.be/Hwzps79cRFs
Those crazy days that I have left have led me here to you,
Selina
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