Loose Cannon

I am about to go off of the deep end; I can feel it in my bones.  There is only so much a gal can take before she just snaps completely.  So before that happens, I am going to take off -- get away -- and hopefully refuel my engines for the onslaught I see looming on the horizon. 

Usually I go away for a weekend and work on my scrapbooks, which is cathartic for me on a number of levels.  I get to add to the memories that my family is making and spend some time with some like-minded gal pals.  Not this time though.  On Friday morning, I am leaving on a jet plane, and though I have a round-trip ticket, there is a distinct and tangible temptation to forget about that come Monday morning when reality comes calling. 

Most of the time, I lead a quiet, virtually unobtrusive existence.  I go to work, take care of my children, and keep my nose clean as a responsible citizen.  This weekend, all bets are off.  This girl is going wild, and she may never fully return to the woman she once was.  I've gotten crazy from time to time, and it's such a freeing experience.  I am not suggesting a full-blown Thelma and Louise escapade here, but drawing a line in the sand and then stepping right over it can be just what the witch doctor ordered.  I recently discovered a quote that has become my new mantra, and I think it speaks volumes about where I am right now in my life.

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.  I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle.  But if you can't handle me at my worst than you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.                                               -- Marilyn Monroe
 

I am tired of doing the right thing just because that's what people expect for me to do.  I only get one life, and I am not going to stand idly by and be a spectator to my own existence.  I am taking the bull by the horns and lord have mercy on anyone who thinks they are going to stand in my way.  I am going after what I want, and if you're not with me on that then you just better get out of my way before you get run over in the process.   

If that makes me a loose cannon, then so be it.  No man ever apologizes for going after what he wants, and neither am I.  I am writing my own page in history one day and one misadventure at a time.  Come with me if you want to enjoy the ride -- or get out of the way.  Makes no nevermind to me!

And for inspiration, here's a song from a gal who's on the same page with me (and probably Thelma too).  I'll run with you any time Miranda!

Theme song #12:  Fastest Girl in Town by Miranda Lambert   
http://youtu.be/EbaEVA259IE

Sliding in by the seat of my pants,
Selina

Cutting Ties

How do you know when it’s over?  In the movies, a concert, or theatrical production, the curtain comes down and the lights come back on, indicating that your time is up.  If only it were that simple when it came to relationships with other people.  Having that huge clue would be oh-so-helpful from time to time.

And I’m not just talking about romantic relationships here, although that certainly is as good a place as any to start.  You meet, start spending time together, “fall in love” and begin to find your way and how you want to define your existence as a couple.  You may decide to move in together, get married, have children, and buy a house or any number of things that signify that you are on the same page.  You are in sync with this person and the path that you want to travel in life.  You go to parties, weddings, funerals, and the entire myriad of days and months and years that evolve.  Many people even begin to almost see you as a singular entity…kind of scary in some respects.

But what happens when that vision changes for one of you?  Or you ignored the fact that you were not in sync like you had supposed at the beginning?  The longer amount of time you spend with someone, the more you invest in them – physically sharing living spaces, emotionally sharing experiences, and then ultimately historically as time marches on. 

The more your lives are intertwined, the more difficult it becomes to cut ties when things become acrimonious, or maybe just stagnant.  Many people stay together simply because the thought of untying all of those knots is simply too overwhelming for rational thought.  Or they stay together because they think they are doing their children a disservice by separating.  But staying where you are is still making a decision…even if it is the path of least resistance or the most financially convenient.

I just learned that my parents, after forty-one years of marriage, are going their separate ways.  In some ways, I couldn’t have been more shocked.  You would think after all of this time together that there wouldn’t be any reason for them to call it quits.  After all of the things that they have been through together, how could anything jeopardize the life that they had built together? 

And yet here I am, attempting to make sense of it all.  I am trying to be supportive to both of them, and that is not proving to be an easy task, especially when it comes to keeping my own thoughts to myself.  In some respects I feel like I have become the parent, and I was certainly not at a point in my life where I wanted to parent my own parents (not that this ever comes at an optimal time).

Of course I want the best for my parents, and I realize that this is not my decision to make.  So as I am watching the curtain come down on my parents’ marriage, and something I have known all of my life, I am left with that lingering question when you come to the end of the movie and you’re scratching your head and asking yourself, “Is this all there is?”  Even if I could hit the rewind button, it’s likely I would still end up here.

As I move into a new chapter of my life with the rest of the children of divorced parents, I hope both my mom and dad find the happiness that they can no longer find together.  I love them too much to think otherwise.

Theme Song #11: Had Enough by Lifehouse   http://youtu.be/6VMkdvNCFNU

Always your little girl,

Selina

"F" is for Flirtatious

And now a word about flirting and bad influences...

My friend Piper is not a good influence.  Not at all.  She has a way of bringing out my mischievous side and she is not afraid to push my buttons.  She instigated quite a scene with a waiter when we went out to eat recently, and although it was humorous, at the time I was not nearly as amused as she was.  She got all dolled up to go to dinner with me, and then proceeded to flirt shamelessly with our waiter.  He played along fabulously with her, and I enjoyed seeing her put on the charm.  The problem was that he kept forgetting what I had ordered while she was casting her spell...is it that difficult to remember what kind of shrimp I wanted? 

Now I know from talking to at least one male friend of mine who used to wait tables that a little bit of flirting -- or a lot, can go a long way towards a bigger tip, as long as you provide excellent service to go along with it.  And why not?  It's harmless flattery for the most part, as long as you don't cross that line into seduction.  At a graduation party over the summer, a male friend I hadn't seen in about twenty years paid me a compliment, and I called him a shameless flatterer; it was a total confidence booster.  Who doesn't like to feel good about themselves?  If you disagree with me here, go quickly and get someone to check your pulse and make sure you're not dead.

Yet while flirting seems benign, the element of seduction lurks underneath and it can be too easy to unwittingly cross that line.  Some people have no trouble distinguishing between the two and can safely stay on their side of the fence.  Others take it too far and find themselves in hot water in more ways than one.  I don't know who to peg as the guilty party in this scenario: the one who took the flirting too far and led someone down the path of seduction, or the one who let that person lead them.  If it is not mutually agreed upon, then restraint is the best course of action in my humble opinion.

I distinctly remember calling the bluff of one such individual (who will remain nameless in order to protect his reputation).  He had baited me repeatedly and made blatant suggestions more times than I cared to count regarding what he would do to me under the right circumstances -- or even the wrong ones.  Finally one day, I came to the end of my rope.  I channelled my inner goddess (What would Venus do?) and said, "Okay, let's go.  Right here, right now."  He followed me into an empty room and things started to get hot and heavy quickly.  I'm pretty sure he thought he was going to have his way with me.  When he was sufficiently turned on and in a compromising position, I stopped and looked at him.  I told him that there was no way that he was going to get what he wanted, and I left him that way.  I didn't get any more innuendos from him after that -- I wonder why.

So by all means, flirt with me and pay me compliments.  I love it!  Just don't cross that line and toy with my emotions.  You may find yourself in an empty room with your pants around your ankles wondering what just happened.  Can't say I'll be sorry if you push me that far...

So here's a fun little tune for when you have that feeling about someone and want to cross that line from flirtation to seduction -- from one of the original kings of sexy, and one of my favorite Michaels.  Go on, George!

Theme Song #9: Too Funky by George Michael   http://youtu.be/JQ2DVwSVIIo

Wink, wink,
Selina


 

Make the Connection

Life is crazy and unpredictable on so many levels.  Every day by itself has elements of routine and normalcy coupled with total randomness and unpredictability.  One of the ways that we deal with this roller coaster  called life is to share our experiences with other people.  Now when we are young, this includes our parents, siblings, grandparents, etc.  Then we go to school and start branching out, making friends there and in the activities we enjoy outside of the home.  As we grow up and become adults, we continue to find ways to connect with others and share our common experiences.

I am fortunate to have friends across a wide range of connections in my life.  A good portion of them are my age, and we share our adventures in raising children and family life.  But I am glad I have friends that are also older than me that can share their wisdom and give me advice -- and a healthy dose of perspective (Jane, Delilah and Sandy are good for that) -- on what's really important, and what's trivial in the grand scheme of things.  And I have some friends that are considerably younger than me that help me to stay more flexible and have fun (Massimo and Gigi) -- cause I'll admit being older and responsible is kind of a drag at times.

Whatever our age or circumstances, it's so important to make that connection.  A few weeks ago, I went out and met some friends.  I ended up staying out all night -- something I don't think I've ever done, even when I was a wild and crazy sorority girl in college.  (And MAN OH MAN did I pay for it later -- but that's another story.)  One of those friends and I ended up going to see a movie, then stayed out, sitting on a bench in the outdoor courtyard, and talked for hours -- literally.  Before I knew it, it was 3AM.  Seriously.  At that point, I was starving, so I suggested we get breakfast.  We went to Eat N Park, ate breakfast, and then continued our tete a tete until about 6AM.  At that point, I wasn't even tired, but I managed to pull myself away and head home.

THAT is the kind of connection with someone else that is rare and precious.  So when you have that type of bond with someone, hang onto it and hold it close to your heart.  It's definitely not something that happens every day.  I hope that I have many more fun times like this -- although I think I'm going to have to impose an earlier curfew on myself next time.  Here's a little song about just having fun that always brightens my day -- the GLEE version to go along with one of our shared passions! 

Theme song #8: Starships by Nicki Minaj (as interpreted by Unique and Vocal Adrenaline of GLEE) -- http://youtu.be/zXeBdzL2cGo

Out past my curfew,
Selina